8:00 am: Phone alarm goes off. (Press snooze button).
8:05 am: Phone alarm goes off again. (Press snooze button again).
8:10 am: Phone alarm goes off, presses snooze button and finally gets out of bed to get ready for work.
8:30 am: Just got out of the shower and is now running 15 minutes late.
8:45 am: Gets to the subway station. The platform is extremely crowded with more people than usual. “Sh*t, why is it always like this when I’m in a rush! Definitely going to be late for work.”
9:15 am: Arrives in the office. Fortunately for him, the boss isn’t there and the other people don’t pay any attention to him as they don’t even care about his work. “Yes, perhaps I can sneak out again and grab a coffee from the Starbucks around the corner.”
9:30 am – 10:30 am: Sits in front of the computer monitor pretending to be working but is actually just scrolling through sports news. Midway through, he realizes it’s a waste of time and thinks it will be more productive to read about how to build muscle. It doesn’t occur to him that the theory he learns won’t be of any use since he hardly ever goes to the gym to begin with.
10:30 am: Boss suddenly shows up to the office. “Oh crap, I was supposed to prepare the performance reports and have them on his desk by 10 am.” *Frantically starts typing*
11:00 am: Checks personal email. “Hey, I just got several emails from the Big Three consulting firms inviting me to apply for their job openings.” *Sends best friend (also a loser) a text message claiming that Bain is interested in his experience.* Doesn’t realize that practically every single person who subscribes to their newsletter receives one of these emails.
11:30 am: Lunch hour starts at noon. He decides to leave half an hour early. “No one will notice the difference anyways…” The original plan was to bring his own lunch, but he woke up too late. Instead, he heads into Burger King and picks up a Double Whopper with 8-piece nuggets. Sportscenter is playing in the background showing clips of the Bucks game from the previous night. “If only I were seven feet tall. Then I would score just as easily as Giannis Antetokounmpo and make $40MM a year…”
11.35 am: Finds a table to eat with his friends. For the next 1.5 hours they scroll through their Instagram accounts checking out the cute girls from high school who are now dating those “Wall Street a**holes.”
1:00 pm: Arrives back at his desk. “Oh boy, I still need to make it through another four hours.” Scrolls through job boards. Comes across a bunch of jobs that are identical in function and requirements to his current one but paying $10K more. Complains to himself but doesn’t apply as the trouble of interviewing again doesn’t seem worth it. Finally starts working on his tasks for the day.
2:30 pm: Receives WhatsApp message from friend. “Bar with cheap drinks playing the Nuggets-Heat Finals tonight. Be there at 7.20 pm.” *Scrolls through screenshot of bar menu* “OMG this bar sells $3 pints of beer. Can’t wait!” Returns to doing work at a dismally low productivity level.
3.30 pm: Does work at a dismally slow pace. Watches a few YouTube videos on Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Thinks about signing up for a class after work but decides against it as he doesn’t want to miss out on the NBA Finals game. “I will sign up next week.” Yes, you’ve been telling yourself that for the past six months.
6.00 pm: Well, at least he got a bit of work done between 1 pm and 6 pm. Now work is finally over. Goes to Chipotle to grab dinner before the game. Orders two meals and convinces himself it’s okay because he will wake up early tomorrow morning to go to the gym.
7.30 pm: Arrives at the bar just as the game starts. Orders a Long Island Iced Tea. “There is no way the Heat will win this game. They are too small compared to the Nuggets and don’t have the same level of star talent. Would bet a thousand dollars the Nuggets close this out.” His friend turns around and says he will take that bet. “Nah, it’s okay. I don’t bet money on things because it goes against my religious values.” Friend looks at him with indifference and nods.
10.00 pm: The Nuggets lose. “Phew, thank god I didn’t make that bet. I only have $200 in my bank account.” A cute blonde passes by and their eyes meet. She smiles at him. He finds her attractive but doesn’t approach her. He feels upset with himself and turns back to talk with his friend. “Man, I can’t believe these NBA players get paid so much for playing a damn children’s game. Their salaries should be capped at a million dollars max.” His friend nods slowly and continues drinking his drink.
11.00 pm: On his way home he remembers that there were at least five other cute girls within his vicinity who he did not talk to. One of them kept looking in his direction until some dude in a fancy suit showed up and chatted her up. “Screw that a**hole. He is probably some arrogant Wall Street prick. I’m going to kick his a** if I see him again.”
12.00 am: Arrives home. Picked up a four pack of Budweiser at the 7-Eleven outside his building as he feels like he did not have enough to drink back at the bar. Turns on Netflix and watches two episodes of Suits.
1.30 am: Finally goes to bed substantially intoxicated and with only $100 left in his bank account. Realizes the rent will be due in a week. Panics but then remembers that payday is in three days. Sets his alarm for 6.50 am as he tells himself that he will still go to the gym. “It’s okay, I’ll get more than five hours of sleep.” He slowly dozes off, not realizing that he forgot to turn his phone off silent…