We came across an interesting comment in our email inbox this week:
Read your previous post (Will of Steel) from March of last year. Noticed that there are a lot of instances of self-talk by the character. How helpful/important is this?
In short, the answer is VERY HELPFUL and we highly recommend that every single person talk out loud to themselves during both challenging as well as routine/repetitive times. There exist a plethora of benefits to rewiring your mind and both the words and tone of voice you select can have incredible long-term outcomes on your performance and sensibilities.
Getting Out of Bed: When you wake up tomorrow morning and get dressed for work or the gym begin singing aloud. Continue to do this during your commute. Just one thing: Don’t be loud enough to become a public disturbance, just with enough decibels to get some judgmental looks from those within 5-10 feet of you. You might not be consciously aware of it, but your environment (including the sounds) can greatly influence your state of mind. If you can wake up early after a late night in the office and sing a cheerful song such as The Beach Boys’ “Good Vibrations” then we can confidently wager that your day will start off better.
Handling Criticism: This is arguably the most important one. If you are truly headed in the right direction, expect to make a lot of mistakes along the way and get grilled as a result. The three most common responses to this are as follows: 1) you will respond with “Sorry, I’m aware I messed up,” 2) you will stay quiet and feel upset as you rehash in your head what just went wrong, or 3) you will respond with “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”
The first response will probably happen at least once just out of instinct. It’s okay if you have made this mistake, just don’t utter it again. The problem with this response is that it suggests to the listener that you consciously made the mistake (for whatever reason) and don’t actually care.
The second will occur when you either 1) resent the manager or 2) have been unfairly blamed for someone else’s mistake or omission. Yes, both of these will happen over and over again. This is a better response than the first one as you are effectively implementing a degree of self-control by controlling your emotions, but the downside is that it will result in a considerable increase in stress as you replay the episode in your head and bottle up more anger. In such a scenario where you feel yourself becoming incensed just repeat the following to yourself: “I understand that ABC happened because of XYZ person and that there is nothing I can do to XYZ. I tried my best here and will watch out for XYZ in the future.”
Option #3 will occur when you are in the wrong, know it, and are willing to take full ownership for the action because you care about your job. Whenever an error is made and you publicly acknowledge that “it won’t happen again” and genuinely mean it you will instantly diffuse the situation. Just one caveat: It must not happen a second time. Once you have publicly recognized your mistake, act as if nothing happened and go back to work, but be sure to add item A (the mistake that occurred) to your checklist of errors to avoid. Don’t waste any time admonishing yourself for something you can effortlessly fix going forward.
In short, when it comes to navigating the corporate office space, taking responsibility for retractable mistakes and consistently giving yourself positive affirmations will go a long way in helping you avoid an eventual outburst of emotion that results from bottling up negative feelings.
Exercise/Weightlifting/Sports
When you spend a serious amount of time working on your body and training to reach your athletic peak you soon realize that self-talk considerably alters your degree of concentration. As an example, when you lift you should mentally fixate on parts of your body, such as saying the word “reloading” each time you come down on a barbell squat and then saying “exploding” as you come back up.
This is also incredibly effective when you are stepping up to the free throw line in basketball, preparing to serve in volleyball or tennis, or about to make a penalty kick in soccer. Use self-talk to drown out the noise and focus exclusively on the task at hand with a helpful repetitive phrase.
Studying a Foreign Language
This should be obvious, but the best way to pick up a foreign language is to speak it as often as possible. Since it is neither feasible nor financially viable to have a language tutor by your side 24/7, the next best thing is to speak to yourself in this language. If you’re commuting to work and don’t feel like singing like a nutcase, put on your headphones and pretend you are having a phone call in the foreign language.
Navigating Dangerous Areas
The next time you venture through a sketchy part of town, act like a crazy person by talking out loud to yourself. Add in some loud laughs for better dramatic effect. This will go miles in reducing the likelihood of you falling prey to a crime, as not even criminals want to mess with looney characters as they are: 1) extremely unpredictable, and 2) unlikely to carry anything of value.
Concluding Remarks: The most important instances of progress you will ever make in your life will be done alone while no one else is paying attention. Likewise, the most important conversations you will have in your life will be to yourself. With this in mind, you should start practicing how to have the correct conversations with yourself… beginning from yesterday.
“The most important conversation is the one you have with yourself. You wake up with it. You walk around with it. And eventually, you act on it.” – David Goggins